Back to School After the School Holidays (When Everyone in the House Feels the Shift Differently)
We are in week one of two weeks of Brisbane school holidays.
It is, oh my fairy goodness, a lot!!!
The activities... The playdates... The papercraft explosion that seems to happen the moment you turn your back. The trying to actually work while also being the entertainer, the referee, the snack fairy and the one who apparently should have known where the missing scissors are! Why are the scissors always missing - seriously! That old juggle. I am writing this with paint on my elbow. I have no idea how it got there.
And underneath all of it, I can feel the shift coming.
We are one week away from the back to school run. Everyone in the house feels it differently. If you're Googling "back to school after school holidays" right now because you are in exactly the same window, this one's for you. Here is what's happening in our house, and maybe a version of it in yours.
Everyone in the house is feeling something different
We have four at school and one little one who is three. So the back to school shift isn't one feeling... It's five.
The big ones are excited to see their friends. Some more than others. They have missed them which is so cute! But they are also going to miss hanging out with Grandma. And with me. And with each other. Not one of them will name that out loud but I can see it in the way they've been just extra snuggly when we sit on the couch (lucky its cold). I think our little people grieve transitions that haven't happened yet. I know I do.
The big ones are quietly bracing. The morning routine is coming back. The lunchbox game is coming back. Homework is coming back (mixed responses from my children on that one). They love school and they also love not doing school and the switch between the two is genuinely hard on a small nervous system.
The little one is the one I'm watching most... She's three. She has been LIVING her best life for two weeks. Big kids around all day - constant play. Someone she can get a giggle from whenever she is cheeky. From her perspective, back to school day is the day her BYO besties get taken away and she is suddenly riding solo again. I dont think she quite gets it, suddenly alone again...
That's a real grief for a three year old, even though she can't name it as one.
And me? I am somewhere between quietly relieved and quietly sad, which is exactly how every mum I know feels at the end of the school holidays. The house needs a break from us. We need a break from the house. And also I love these little people and I do actually miss them when school starts back.
The tension nobody quite talks about
It is good for everyone to not be together 24/7. It genuinely is... The kids need their friends. I need my brain back - having meetings and working while someone yells for water is a bit stressful sometimes. The house could truly do with not having every single piece of paper and pen pulled out every single day.
And the transition back is hard.
Both of those things are true at once. That's the bit that catches me off guard... We tell ourselves we should be relieved, and mostly we are, but there is a real ache underneath the relief and I dont like pretending that isnt there.
Our kids are feeling it too I think... In different ways for sure... But they feel the shift and that is the part we need to remember in the transition back.
How to help your kids with the transition back
None of this is groundbreaking, it is not advice either just things that work for us but I also acknowledge that every single household is different.
Name the shift out loud, gently
Our little people understand more than we credit them for. "Next week you are going back to school and your sister is going to go back to her activities. It's going to feel different for both of you for a bit and then it will feel normal again."
You don't have to fix it. You just have to name it. Being told what is about to happen is a form of safety in itself.
Ease the sleep back
Kids' bedtimes drift by an hour and a half over school holidays - well they do in our house... It's just what happens. We pull it back by fifteen minutes a night from about four nights out. Nobody notices. The first Monday feels much less brutal.
Make the last few days of holidays gentle, not big
I am absolutely guilty of wanting to jam one more big activity in. But in my experience, don't. You don't need the pressure but also last weekend wants to be low key. A slow morning. A walk. Something at home. We do lots of craft just let them use their imaginations. The kids' nervous systems are already bracing for the switch and one more big day out puts them into the school run overtired. A quiet weekend has worked for us.
Reintroduce the school things three days out
We do a quick check of the bags, get the shoes out, check we know where the uniforms are. Not because it's efficient (or you find the weird things they bought home the last day of last term) but because we find those visual reminders just help them get ready for what is about to happen. If they see the school stuff appearing gently through the weekend, Monday morning isn't as much of a shock.
For the sibling left at home
If you have a little one who's about to lose her BYO besties, this is what we do but it is tough on them... We talk about what she is going to do while they are at school. Something to look forward to. What her routine looks like. So she doesnt feel like the day is happening to her but it is happening for her too.
The morning-of-day-one bit
Extra time. Extra hugs. Extra grace. (We do these at home not at the school gate. Those extra ones at drop off seem to never end well) Not extra sleep ins! Everyone forgets things, everyone is a bit off, and there will almost certainly be one small meltdown from someone... (yes maybe that someone is me!) That is just what a nervous system does when it's asked to switch modes. We also let our littlest be part of dropping them off so she feels part of back to school too.
A few common questions about the back-to-school transition
How long does the transition back to school actually take?
In our house, about a week... The first three days are the hardest. Day four they remember they like school, they are back in routine. By day seven the new rhythm feels normal.
What if my child cries at drop off after being fine before the holidays?
Very normal! It happens in our house and we see it with friends and family too. School holidays reset their attachment clock. They have had two solid weeks of being physically near you and now they are back to being apart, and their small body registers that as new information even if the setting isn't... The tears are not a sign anything is wrong. They are a sign the connection to you is strong. Warm goodbye, don't linger, trust the teacher. From what teachers have told me they do usually settle and the teacher will let you know if there is anything to be worried about.
How do I help a preschooler who misses her older siblings during term time?
This one is close to home for me right now. What has helped in our house is giving her a role. She is not just the little one who got left behind, she is the one who drops the big kids off and has her own activities and classes to get to. She misses them for sure and for us it takes her about a week to get back to the normal routine because built in audiences to laugh at her comedy acts/cheekiness is a hard thing to go without!
One more thing, for the parent quietly bracing
If you are the one writing the mental list, while working, while looking after kids ... about what needs to happen next week, the shoes, the checking lunchboxes and bags and who is doing which pick up which day, please know this... The invisible planning you do so that Monday morning goes smoothly is the actual reason it goes smoothly.
You may not get credit for it. That does not make it less important. That is the shape of the work you are doing and it is real work, and it matters.
The kids will settle. The house will find its rhythm. The lost BYO bestie will find a new Monday routine. You are no doubt holding it all together and doing so with grace and a smile.
You are enough. It is enough. And Monday, when it comes, will be okay...
The Little Lightkeepers were made for the transitions. Tilly for the mornings that are hard to walk away from. Rosie for the quiet ones being left behind. Autumn for the change of season and the change of routine. And you, quietly holding all of it together, are the reason any of it works.